Warning: bitching and moaning ahead.
I feel like I'm in a funk. My motivation running wise has been good. But in all other areas of my life, I'm in a rut. I can't even find a way to express exactly how I'm feeling in this post.
This weekend we took a quick trip to Long Island for my niece's christening. I was dreading the drive (ten hours of driving in two days) but really wanted to see my family and friends. Mike has been driving 900 miles a week for work, and he wasn't too keen on another drive, but he was a good sport about it, and we had a great time. Today I'm faced with the confusion I always feel after a trip to NY, I still miss living there, but I also love living here.
My house is a mess. I pride myself on keeping my house clean and in order, but lately I honestly couldn't care what it looks like, the disorder matches my mood. It's a struggle to put the laundry away after it's done, right now I have dirty dishes in the sink, and there they will stay because I don't feel like emptying the dishwasher. The kids' toys have made their way out of the TV room, and are scattered in every other room of the house. None of the beds are made, I have overdue library books. I don't have the desire or energy to do anything, and the venti non fat vanilla latte from Starbucks isn't doing what I hoped it would.
I'm tired of worrying about money. Mike made it through the re org at his company, he was the only rep in the Northeast region who made it through all the cuts. Believe me, he and I know how lucky he is to have his job, but he's miserable. And he still worries about his mom's illness.
I don't feel like I'm being the best mother either. Eliza is in that terrible 3's stage, she is so headstrong I feel like all I do is yell at her. It's lunchtime and she's still in her pajama's, I don't feel like fighting with her. Luke is being a sweetheart as usual, he's doing great in school and surprises me every day with the things that come out of his mouth.
I'm annoyed with the kid's pediatrician, I call every week to get the kids' flu shot's scheduled, and they still don't have the seasonal shot, much less the H1N1.
And I want to know why I haven't been able to get into my hotmail account for the past five days.I hate to bitch, because I really don't have anything to bitch about. My children are healthy, Mike is working, we have a house and cars and food. So I'll stop now.
On a lighter note, I found out I don't know how to tie shoes. Mike and I were talking with my sister about teaching Luke to tie shoes, and apparently I do an extra step when tying. I make bunny ears, but do the "loop, swoop and pull" as well. I guess you do one or the other, but not both. Yup, I'm 37 and can't tie my shoes.